Gone are the days when motels and caravan parks were run by Mum & Dad teams who got up early to make breakfasts, stayed up to welcome latecomers, took time off in the middle of the day and still managed to answer the phone if you rang at a reasonable hour. 

Nowadays such places are run by big chains whose employees keep strictly 9 to 5 hours onsite and don’t like you ringing them up, even in those rare cases where they actually provide a number to call.

I turned around to find myself dazzled by what seemed like a thousand suns but was in fact a TV crew in action, and there, looming up at me with outstretched hand, silhouetted against the light, silver hair aglow, was Hawkey. “Prime Minister,” I gasped, “I’m absolutely – flabbergasted to meet you!”

I don’t think I’ve ever felt so wretched and forlorn in my life.  I wept, I blubbered, I swore I’d obey any conditions they imposed if only they’d let me on.  But no, here came someone with my bags, further driving home the nightmarish reality that they really were going to leave me sitting here alone with my luggage in this vast darkening edifice, while the blessed sailed off without me.